Anonymous asked: I am a different anonymous who has large trouble believing you're painfully awkward in social situations.
Anonymous asked: I like you a lot :D Yes I will try to approach you and say hi. I myself am a pretty awkward kind of guy. Some might think I'm anti-social as I often snob people with no intent. I hope I can muster all my confidence and say hi, I don't know, there is just something about you that I feel is worth knowing. Oh and I'm Asian by the way. which is why i can't disclose my Identity...
Anonymous asked: Believe me I would love to... But being in Canada far away from you makes the Idea farfetched. Someday I'll be able to come up front and say hi with out being shy.
Anonymous asked: You're such a sexy guy. I'd love to be your guy. I dream of one day to be right beside you when I wake up in the morning.
I took a “I just woke up” picture of myself this morning that looks almost exactly like THIS ONE except in this new one…you can totally see my nipples and I want to post it because I kinda like pictures of me laying down cause my fat kinda squishes flat and I look more muscle-y than like how I normally look (like the Lumpy Space Princess) I think I might post it just so I can...
It's Friday and we're professional pt 2
Coworker 1: [Google-ing "Carl Sagan"] OOOOOH!
Coworker 1: CARL SAGAN!
Me: Are we still on that?
Cowoker 1: It's the star guy!
Me: ..............yes......Carl Sagan is the star guy. Very good.
Coworker 1: A friend of mine dressed up as Carl Sagan for Halloween last year, but I thought he was Anchorman.
Coworker 1: And I was all like "Oh you're Anchorman" and he was like "No, I'm Carl Sagan" and I was like "I don't know who that is."
Me: Well now you do.
Coworker 1: Is he like, a genius or something?
Me: Something like that.
It's Friday and we're professionals
Me: ...I read on the internets that when Bill Nye the Science guy was at Cornell, Carl Sagan was one of his professors.
Coworker 1: Who's Caral Sagan?
VPOps: How do you not know who Carl Sagan is?
Coworker 2: I don't know who Carl Sagan is either.
Me: Wow, really?
Coworker 2: Yeah. Who is he?
Coworker 1: Is he like Bob Saget or something?
Me: Is he LIKE Bob Saget? What does that even mean? Are you asking me if Carl Sagan was on Full House and hosted America's Funniest Home Videos for 30 years...LIKE Bob Saget?
Coworker 1: ....maybe.....
Me: Okay. No. Carl Sagan is not like Bob Saget.
Coworker 2: This coffee smells like cat pee.
Coworker 1: meow!
Hey there, Aries
“If you play solitaire, your luck will be crazy strong in the coming weeks. If you have candid, wide-ranging talks with yourself in the mirror, the revelations are likely to be as interesting as if you had spoken directly with the river god or the angel of the sunrise. Taking long walks alone could lead to useful surprises, and so would crafting a new declaration of independence for...
While I was at work my plan for the evening consisted of drawing. Now that I am home my plan has morphed into eating pizza and watching HGTV. I fail.
You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you...– David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest (via alecshao)
tapemaker asked: Do you like me?
Anonymous asked: WHAT'S IN THE BOX????? WHAT'S IN THE BOX????
::ssshhhhh:: i’m secretly tumbling from work….
The Best Meat Lump
I don’t like it when people say that they’re dating/married/fucking/having-some-sort-of-ambiguous-relationship with “the best man in the world” or “the sexiest man in the world” (or woman or non-gender-specific-meat-lump in the world) because they’re basically insulting me. They’re saying “Hey you…YEAH YOU! You’re not as good as this douche bag who sticks his dick in...
Me: Hey, I texted you your horoscope because I thought it was fitting.
Roommate: [reads horoscope] Weird. That's what I'm doing.
Me: I know! I was like "ah HA!!" My horoscope makes no sense. Today mine told me that I was a swan who had molted his flight feathers all at once so I can't fly for two weeks and should stay home and masturbate while crying softly to himself.
Roommate: You're a pretty swan who needs three black geese to bang out his fox hole.
Me: Fox hole?
Roommate: It means you need some dick.
Me: ...I grasped that part.
Gender Roles & Swedish Fish
Coworker: On Friday morning, starting at about 8:30am we will be receiving our shipment of furnishings back from storage for reception and the front show rooms. Can I count on you guys to help off load chairs and other furniture on the 2nd floor???
Me: Sure, I’ll be here by then. Wait...how come you're only asking us? Did someone tell you that we secretly love moving furniture or is it because we're the only men in the office and you like embracing gender roles? You should make Elisha do it. I hear pregnant ladies are like the Hulk except less green and she’s 8 months pregnant....probably surging with lady hormones right now and could flip a tank if you set her off. We could channel her baby rage and use it as a tool….a furniture moving tool. Controlled chaos. I like where this is going
Me: You all love making me seem like the crazy one, don't you? See if I pretend to feel sorry for you the next time you eat a pound of Swedish fish and puke out a car window on the BQE.
Coworkers: ...that wasn't us...
Me: I DON'T CARE!
I need a make over.
There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or...– Here is New York, E. B. White, 1949 (via cdixon) (via brianafahey)
reblog if you dont have a bra on
I need to start drawing again. It’s kinda sad I have to keep reminding myself to do this.
To those people who I left kinda creepy and/or mildly threatening tumblr messages last night……They soooooo didn’t seem creepy or threatening in my head when I was drinking my whiskey out of my green plastic cup and feeling warm and bubbly and thinking it would be an awesome idea to leave people tumblr messages. …sorry about that.