I’ve come to the conclusion that I get some sort of sexual satisfaction out of watching “Kitchen Cousins” on HGTV. I seem to grunt suggestively and say dirty, lecherous things to the hosts while they remodel people’s kitchens. This evening someone said “I’m going to go knock out your back wall.” and I had to writhe on the floor for a few minutes before I...
I’m looking for a penis to post on here and I haven’t found a nice one yet.
Anonymous asked: Someone told me that you're 32 yrs old? tell me You're only 26 right?
It’s beautiful out. Let’s all go get obnoxious bear tattoos.
People had been warning me for months about how rude New Yorkers were. It was...– Jeannette Walls The Glass Castle: a memoir
I just got a work email from one of my accounts who asked me a bunch of inventory and advertising questions ….and then signed the email “Lil Dub”. ….maybe my accounts have rap names now. Who’s to.know? Certainly not I.
No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.– Aristotle
My roommate just put his balls on my head. ….they were really heavy
Isn’t love beautiful when it’s gross?– SNL
This is why I'm an asshole
Him: Whazzup Sexci?
Him: I'm in da Bronx.
Me: I live in Brooklyn.
Him: Cool. So tell me something about urself.
Me: What would you like to know in particular?
Him: Anything you want to tell me.
Me: I have a eurocentric view of world history
Me: ....what would you like to know in particular?
Him: Can I see ur cock?
Me: No thank you
Hip Hop Sacajawea
Him: I leave for Michigan tomorrow.
Me: Wow. You're like a great explorer: heading to places unknown...boldly going into the uncharted wilderness...you're a Hip Hop Sacajawea.
Him: sacajawae x comme des garcon
Him: I feel like it is my destiny to bring beauty to those who have never had it.
Me: Like the Angel of Bathesda bringing the healing waters to the people.
Him: Healing their unflattering outfits.
Me: ...The Angel of Couture.
Him: What do people in Michigan eat? Like potatoes and boiled meat?
Me: and ketchup
Him: I bet they're all morbidly obese there. Like a size 4 or 6. I bet....girls eat carbs there.
I’m grumpy. I have been off an on for about two weeks now. The annoying thing is, I don’t know WHY I’m grumpy. I feel like I’m pissed off about something and have totally forgotten what the something was. The grumpiness isn’t caused by anything, nor is it directed at anyone….just just comes and goes in waves. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency.
Aaaaand the Dresden Files books just tied themselves into the Dark Tower. ::my face asplodes::