It’s hard out there for big guys. I try to make it better with my penis.– This dude
I’m a very heavy sleeper.
There are select people who are allowed to call me “Mikey”. Everyone else….no.
Roommate: Your ass is like a plantation.
Roommate: It's like a plantation cause it needs to get PLOWED!
Roommate: Is that racist?
Me: Why would that be racist?
Roommate: Cause you need your Ass-Plantation plowed by BIG BLACK COCK!!!!!
Me: Well if you're implying slavery...
Roommate: You just thought about this too much and made it no longer funny.
Roommate: You need to get laid.
thebeardandthebelly asked: Just a "hi" from a new follower. HI!
Your body isn’t a wonderland…it’s a great adventure...– Angel
Ah….student loan interest rates could double this summer. They’re just trying to help so I don’t sink. Im a bad person.
sometimes I let myself down.
My parents emailed me today and told me that they would like to pay off half of the remainder of my school loans. It saddens me to no end that my first reaction was one of suspicion instead of thanks.
I know they don’t, but in my head this is how everyone in California talks.
Every bottom says that...
Him: You're cute.
Me: Thanks. As are you.
Him: Yeah, you're a bottom though, which kind of sucks. Not that I'm a bottom. I'm just versatile so I need both in my life, I'm sorry to bug you.
Me: You weren't bugging me.
Him: I just can't do it again.
Me: You can't do what?
Him: I was with a bottom and it just didn't satisfy me and that's why I've never bottomed.
Me: You've never bottomed before?
Him: No I haven't, but only because my last boyfriend was a bottom.
Me: How do you know that you're versatile if you've never bottomed before? What if you do it and hate it?
Him: Every bottom says that.
Me: ...do they?
Him: Yeah. I'm just not a whore, but I know for certain that I will like it.
Me: What? Where did being a whore come from? Well if you're certain that you'll like it then just go with that I guess.
Him: If I don't like bottoming then that means that I don't like anal sex in any form.
Me: Oh....so you don't like topping?
Him: I like topping.
Me: but that's anal sex...
Him: I just don't like doing it all the time. It's repetitive and boring. The same thing all the time is boring to me.
Me: So if you don't like bottoming then that means that you don't like any form of anal sex.....except for topping. Which you do like doing, but just not all the time?
Him: Yeah, basically.
Him: I'm a complicated guy.
Me: Yes.....yes you most certainly are.
needle: My perfect cable TV package would be Logo, HGTV, Showtime, and whatever would have World’s Strongest Man on repeat a lot. ^this
Someone remind me to cut all my hair off this weekend.
I could only finish half of my sandwich at lunch. Why am I so skinny and gorgeous??? Maybe it’s because I also ate 6 servings of “Jalapeno SmokeHouse” BlueDiamond Almonds…..and a cupcake (it had peanutbutter frosting!!! How could I NOT put that in my mouth?!?!) ::sigh::
Roommate: You and I need to go on a sexy date.
Roommate: like, one involving chicken wings.
Roommate: He's into all those hardcore bands that I've never heard of. You know, like "Fishy Kitten"
Me: did you just make that up?
jmmoorephotography asked: happy birthday handsome! go get a burrito!
theloveabledoodlebear-deactivat asked: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! that's how handsome you are!