I got a new job.
Coworker: So you're leaving?
Me: I know.
Coworker: When is your last day?
Coworker: Wow. :(
Me: I know.
How to be classy in three easy steps:
the-vashta-nerada: Open this tab. Open this tab. Open this tab.
Me: I just got home and I'm so fucking sweaty. Why is it so damn warm? I sweat too much.
Gingercub: Dude, no shit. It's 70 here and I'm sick of it.
Me: That's some bullshit right there.
Gingercub: Yeah. If the weather was your ass, I'd fuck it.
Me: Whaaat? HAHAHA
Gingercub: You should put this conversation on Tumblr
Gingercub: I'm just sayin', you have random conversations on there all the time. I'm just trying to give you material.
Roommate emailing me at work: You should come home early today.
Me: Why? What's wrong?
Roommate: Nothing is wrong. Can't I just want to spend time with you??
Me: You're just bored and want to watch Dr.Who, don't you?
Roommate: I am so insulted that you think that.
Roommate: Okay fine. Maybe! So what? You should still leave early.
Me: I can't leave them by themselves. There are only two people on the phones.
Roommate: I'm going to get all ghetto here but they all fucking left early the other day and left YOU there, so YOU go fucking tell them that you have your fucking PERIOD or something and leave EARLY!
Me: ....man you want to watch Dr.Who reaaaalllllllly badly.
Roommate: Steven Moffat is blowing my mind! and get some soda on your way home. I'm ordering pizza.
I gave my notice at work this morning. It was weird.
What a stupid question
SomeGuy: You're hot.
Me: Why thank you.
SomeGuy: You're so sexy and nice too. How come you're still single?
Me: I don't know. There must be something seriously wrong with me.
SomeGuy: Well I wouldn't say that.
Me: I know. You didn't. You only implied it.
Me: Good night. :)
Him: I'm leaving early today. I'm getting a colonic at 5:45
Me: I love how open we are with each other.
I’m mad that I’m awake.
Bah bah bah
Why do RedSox fans (or maybe it’s just people from Massachusetts in general) get all crazy when “Sweet Caroline” is played?
push the button
Anonymous asked: If you had the chance to do it all over again what would you do different.